Another sweet dream of Alicia. This time she showed me her graduation invitations. The invitations had gold foil embossed red roses on them as well as a photo I took of one of the Angels at her place of rest.
...............
Alicia,
If you are looking over my shoulder as I type this, know that
I LOVE YOU!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Alicia and I went shopping...
I was just thinking.....
I believe Alicia visits me in my dreams.
This week has been a week of weeping and deep sadness brought to the surface. I miss Alicia so much and some days the sorrow is overwhelming and the hole in my heart is not only bottomless but all encompassing....
Monday night I seemed to be at the bottom of the "black hole" in my heart, or so this is what I call it. Anyway, at one point I felt Alicia was there with me, in our living room trying to comfort me but unable to do so she chose to visit me in my dreams that night.
She came to me and asked me,
"What would you like to do while I am here with you, Mom?"
I told her I wanted to go shopping with her.
So we went shopping. (Something I miss very much)
Then she asked me,
"What would you like to do next before I have to leave?"
and I replied, "I want to lay in the grass with you and look up at the sky."
So we did.
We laid on the deep green, thick grass together and I played with her hair.
The next thing I know it was time for her to go but as she started to step out of sight,
I yelled "Hey, what about my hug?!"
and she came back and hugged me then stepped through an invisible door and disappeared.
They say we will know each other in Heaven and that Heaven is a place where dreams come true, that a person can go anywhere and do anything they want to, right?
If you can go anywhere, then why not visit those who love you on Earth?
With God ANYTHING is possible and what little girl wouldn't want to visit her Mom and go shopping with her?
If this isn't the truth then I don't want to know the truth.
just thinking,
Nicki
I believe Alicia visits me in my dreams.
This week has been a week of weeping and deep sadness brought to the surface. I miss Alicia so much and some days the sorrow is overwhelming and the hole in my heart is not only bottomless but all encompassing....
Monday night I seemed to be at the bottom of the "black hole" in my heart, or so this is what I call it. Anyway, at one point I felt Alicia was there with me, in our living room trying to comfort me but unable to do so she chose to visit me in my dreams that night.
She came to me and asked me,
"What would you like to do while I am here with you, Mom?"
I told her I wanted to go shopping with her.
So we went shopping. (Something I miss very much)
Then she asked me,
"What would you like to do next before I have to leave?"
and I replied, "I want to lay in the grass with you and look up at the sky."
So we did.
We laid on the deep green, thick grass together and I played with her hair.
The next thing I know it was time for her to go but as she started to step out of sight,
I yelled "Hey, what about my hug?!"
and she came back and hugged me then stepped through an invisible door and disappeared.
They say we will know each other in Heaven and that Heaven is a place where dreams come true, that a person can go anywhere and do anything they want to, right?
If you can go anywhere, then why not visit those who love you on Earth?
With God ANYTHING is possible and what little girl wouldn't want to visit her Mom and go shopping with her?
If this isn't the truth then I don't want to know the truth.
just thinking,
Nicki
This song reminds me of Alicia
Jesus, I Heard You Had a Big House
Jesus, I heard you had a big house,
Where I could have a room of my own.
Jesus, I heard you had a big yard,
Big enough to let a kid roam.
I heard you had clothes in your closet,
Just the right size that I wear,
And Jesus, I heard if I give you my heart,
Then You would let me go there.
Jesus, I heard about meal time,
..when all your children come to eat,
I heard you had a great big table
Where every kid can have his own seat.
Jesus, they said that there'd be plenty
..of good things in heaven to share,
And Jesus, I'd just like to tell you
I sure would love to go there.
Jesus, I heard in your big house
there's plenty of love to go around.
I heard there's always singing and laughter
..to fill the place with happy sounds.
And I've been thinking that a friend
who would give me all that he's got
before I even have met Him...
Well, He sure must love me a lot.
And Jesus, I'd just like to tell you,
I sure do love you a lot!
Jesus, I heard you had a big house,
Where I could have a room of my own.
Jesus, I heard you had a big yard,
Big enough to let a kid roam.
I heard you had clothes in your closet,
Just the right size that I wear,
And Jesus, I heard if I give you my heart,
Then You would let me go there.
Jesus, I heard about meal time,
..when all your children come to eat,
I heard you had a great big table
Where every kid can have his own seat.
Jesus, they said that there'd be plenty
..of good things in heaven to share,
And Jesus, I'd just like to tell you
I sure would love to go there.
Jesus, I heard in your big house
there's plenty of love to go around.
I heard there's always singing and laughter
..to fill the place with happy sounds.
And I've been thinking that a friend
who would give me all that he's got
before I even have met Him...
Well, He sure must love me a lot.
And Jesus, I'd just like to tell you,
I sure do love you a lot!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Alicia on American Idol?
When I first saw Alaina on American Idol, my heart leaped,
and instantly I wondered if she really looked like Alicia
or is it wishful thinking. What do you think?
and instantly I wondered if she really looked like Alicia
or is it wishful thinking. What do you think?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Dear God,
Thank you for not taking my little boy from me too.
I would not have been able to live through that again.
your humble servant,
nicki
I would not have been able to live through that again.
your humble servant,
nicki
What is Blakers up to today?
Blakers is delivering singing telegrams at school. heheheheheheeee
cute little thing.
He dressed up in his black tux today and was part of a quartet that delivered sweetheart songs to girls at school today.
Too cute. Look at those little bitty ears.
Ain't he sooooo cute?!
Alicia would have LOVED it.
Little man once gave me a telegram that said,
"I love my Mom cause she makes my heart happy".
....sigh, brings tears to my eyes.
Yep, and he makes my heart happy too.
I love you, little man.
cute little thing.
He dressed up in his black tux today and was part of a quartet that delivered sweetheart songs to girls at school today.
Too cute. Look at those little bitty ears.
Ain't he sooooo cute?!
Alicia would have LOVED it.
Little man once gave me a telegram that said,
"I love my Mom cause she makes my heart happy".
....sigh, brings tears to my eyes.
Yep, and he makes my heart happy too.
I love you, little man.
A valentine for my little Misses Mornin'
I hope you like your valentine, sweet-face.
We will come visit you this weekend to bring it to you.
It's been a long time since I visited your place but it is so hard baby girl.
...........I know you understand.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
hard day....
OK, Hard day.
just thinking.....
if you convert my name and Alicia's name into numbers you can come up with this equation. It leads to me minus her.
nickiannrix 6+4-2+5-4+2-6+6-7+4-9 = 4
alicianicolerix 2+5-4+2-4+2-6+4-2+6-5+3-7+4-9 = 4
or
nickiannrix 6-4+2-5+4-2+6-6+7-4+9 = - 4
alicianicolerix 2-5+4-2+4-2+6-4+2-6+5-3+7-4+9 = - 4
(sad)
just thinking.....
if you convert my name and Alicia's name into numbers you can come up with this equation. It leads to me minus her.
nickiannrix 6+4-2+5-4+2-6+6-7+4-9 = 4
alicianicolerix 2+5-4+2-4+2-6+4-2+6-5+3-7+4-9 = 4
or
nickiannrix 6-4+2-5+4-2+6-6+7-4+9 = - 4
alicianicolerix 2-5+4-2+4-2+6-4+2-6+5-3+7-4+9 = - 4
(sad)
February is a very hard month....
ALICIA, ~ HARD DAY, SWEETHEART ~
I have such a hard time with the month of February.
I know you loved Valentines Day.
I remember your last one so well.
I think if it snows this year on Valentines Day, I will go to the Country Club and slide down the hill you all had so much fun on that day. I wish someone would purchase that stupid bit of land and make it The Kids Snow Hill or something like that.
I wish it could be blocked off so no one could build anything on it
and it would be accessible to everyone
and available for anyone who wanted to be there and slide down it.
Like a monument in honor of kids having good clean honest fun together.
A place they could go and sit on the grass and talk.
a . . . . . . ‘Free Zone’
That would be perfect. A place where a kid could laugh or cry and feel better.
God, I miss you sweetface. I miss you SOOOOOOOOOOO much.
I need you right now. …….. badly.
So much going on right now.
So many things I don’t have any control over.
So many FINAL things.
Too many things I’m not ready for.
We got you another beautiful Angel for your place. I am afraid of it getting broken or stolen but sometimes when that happens I try to turn it around and think of it as them taking a piece of you with them. As if you are going with someone on another great adventure.
Or
if I get there and find another Angel smashed, I try to think perhaps there was a big gust of wind carrying seeds from beautiful happy pink or yellow flowers
and perhaps the happy seeds brush up against the Angel and . . .
well anyway, I try to think of something like that instead of something ugly.
I try to consider that the person who does the smashing or scratching is
a sad person,
a hurt person.
after all they are there because they lossed someone too.
(sigh)
I am so sorry I haven't been able to come by
and visit your place.
...... it is so hard to do, sweetface
..... so hard to imagine you behind that marble wall,
so close and yet....
I can't get to you and hold you and protect you.
Your little body.
The body God gave me to raise and protect.
I promised to raise you in his name . . . and now...........
just thinking.... wishing.......... begging........pleading,
nicki
I have such a hard time with the month of February.
I know you loved Valentines Day.
I remember your last one so well.
I think if it snows this year on Valentines Day, I will go to the Country Club and slide down the hill you all had so much fun on that day. I wish someone would purchase that stupid bit of land and make it The Kids Snow Hill or something like that.
I wish it could be blocked off so no one could build anything on it
and it would be accessible to everyone
and available for anyone who wanted to be there and slide down it.
Like a monument in honor of kids having good clean honest fun together.
A place they could go and sit on the grass and talk.
a . . . . . . ‘Free Zone’
That would be perfect. A place where a kid could laugh or cry and feel better.
God, I miss you sweetface. I miss you SOOOOOOOOOOO much.
I need you right now. …….. badly.
So much going on right now.
So many things I don’t have any control over.
So many FINAL things.
Too many things I’m not ready for.
We got you another beautiful Angel for your place. I am afraid of it getting broken or stolen but sometimes when that happens I try to turn it around and think of it as them taking a piece of you with them. As if you are going with someone on another great adventure.
Or
if I get there and find another Angel smashed, I try to think perhaps there was a big gust of wind carrying seeds from beautiful happy pink or yellow flowers
and perhaps the happy seeds brush up against the Angel and . . .
well anyway, I try to think of something like that instead of something ugly.
I try to consider that the person who does the smashing or scratching is
a sad person,
a hurt person.
after all they are there because they lossed someone too.
(sigh)
I am so sorry I haven't been able to come by
and visit your place.
...... it is so hard to do, sweetface
..... so hard to imagine you behind that marble wall,
so close and yet....
I can't get to you and hold you and protect you.
Your little body.
The body God gave me to raise and protect.
I promised to raise you in his name . . . and now...........
GOD, WHY?!
Why did you take her so soon.
Without warning.
I would have done ANYTHING, GOD!
Anything you asked me to do. ............
............... (sigh) anything
anything
just thinking.... wishing.......... begging........pleading,
nicki
Friday, February 1, 2008
I love this song!
Artist: Jackson Alan
Song: Monday Morning Church
Album: What I Do
You left your Bible on the dresser
So I put it in the drawer'
Cause I can't seem to talk to God
without yelling anymore
And when I sit at your piano
I can almost hear those hymns
The keys are just collecting dust
But I can't close the lid
*You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith
and now it only hurts
And I can hear the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
The preacher came by Sunday
said he missed me at the service
He told me Jesus loves me
but I'm not sure I deserve it
'Cause the faithful man that you loved
is nowhere to be found
Since they took all that he believed
and laid it in the ground
*And left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith
and now it only hurts
And I can hear the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
I still believe in Heaven
and I'm sure you've made it there
But as for me without your love, girl
I don't have a prayer
*You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith
and now it only hurts
And I can hear the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
You left your Bible on the dresser
so I put it in the drawer
just thinking...
Nicki
Song: Monday Morning Church
Album: What I Do
You left your Bible on the dresser
So I put it in the drawer'
Cause I can't seem to talk to God
without yelling anymore
And when I sit at your piano
I can almost hear those hymns
The keys are just collecting dust
But I can't close the lid
*You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith
and now it only hurts
And I can hear the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
The preacher came by Sunday
said he missed me at the service
He told me Jesus loves me
but I'm not sure I deserve it
'Cause the faithful man that you loved
is nowhere to be found
Since they took all that he believed
and laid it in the ground
*And left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith
and now it only hurts
And I can hear the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
I still believe in Heaven
and I'm sure you've made it there
But as for me without your love, girl
I don't have a prayer
*You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith
and now it only hurts
And I can hear the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
You left your Bible on the dresser
so I put it in the drawer
just thinking...
Nicki
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