We became friends . . .

I remember one time when Alicia told me she wasn't pretty. I was so shock to hear her say that and hurt to know she felt that way. So I marched her in to her bathroom and stood her in front of her mirror. I stood behind her and looked into her eyes in the mirror and rested my chin on her shoulder and said,

“Alicia, look at yourself. Look at this beautiful young lady in the mirror looking back at you. You are the most beautiful thing I have EVER seen and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother, I'm saying it because it is true. People pay money to look like you. Expecting mothers pray that their daughters are born looking like you. You are so lucky, Alicia because you are not only beautiful on the outside but you are beautiful on the inside too ..." then I turned her around to face me and I cupped her sweet, sweet round face in the palms of my hands, I looked deep in to her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "and that, sweet-face, is a very, very unique gift. So don’t ever think that you aren't beautiful, because you ARE."

I told her how proud I was of her because she was such a good Christian person and that I loved her not only because she was my daughter, all mothers love their daughters, but I loved her for HER, who SHE was, who she had become.

I also remember telling her that I wish I could literally open up my chest and show her
my heart and my soul so that she could actually see what she meant to me, that she was . . .
my life,
my breath,
my reason to live,
my morning,
my . . . everything. . . .

I am so very thankful I had that conversation with her that day because I think that was when we became closer than ever.

That was when I became .... her friend.

I think there is always a point in a mother daughter relationship when they become friends, and that was ours.


..... sigh, i really, really miss her.


just thinking (and crying),
Nicki