My Angel, Alicia Rix

If I had known I held an Angel in my arms each night,
I would have rocked a little slower and sang until day light.

I would have powdered her butt so gently with my most expensive cloth,
and stayed up all night rocking her without a second thought.

I would have taken every turn feeding her thru the night,
and soaked up every smell of her with all my strength and might.

If I had known an Angel had crawled across our floor,
I would have gotten on my knees and watched her crawl some more.

If I had known an Angel's tooth waited for the fairy,
I would have left all the money her little hands could carry.

I would have knelt beside her bed as she said her little prayers,
and listen to her talk to Jesus just like he was there.

I would have looked a little harder and watched her make believe,
as she talked to no other and poured her friend some tea.

Her lunch would been packed with love notes and fun stuff everyday,
instead of peanut butter and jelly and "got to go or I'll be late".

If I had known I saw an Angel kick a soccer ball,
I would have gone to every game and watched her play them all.

If I had known an Angel's tears fell upon my skin,
I would have found a silver locket to keep them safely in.

If I had known an Angel was planning to go fishing,
I would have packed my pole to go instead I'm left here wishing.

Love, Mom

We became friends . . .

I remember one time when Alicia told me she wasn't pretty. I was so shock to hear her say that and hurt to know she felt that way. So I marched her in to her bathroom and stood her in front of her mirror. I stood behind her and looked into her eyes in the mirror and rested my chin on her shoulder and said,

“Alicia, look at yourself. Look at this beautiful young lady in the mirror looking back at you. You are the most beautiful thing I have EVER seen and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother, I'm saying it because it is true. People pay money to look like you. Expecting mothers pray that their daughters are born looking like you. You are so lucky, Alicia because you are not only beautiful on the outside but you are beautiful on the inside too ..." then I turned her around to face me and I cupped her sweet, sweet round face in the palms of my hands, I looked deep in to her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "and that, sweet-face, is a very, very unique gift. So don’t ever think that you aren't beautiful, because you ARE."

I told her how proud I was of her because she was such a good Christian person and that I loved her not only because she was my daughter, all mothers love their daughters, but I loved her for HER, who SHE was, who she had become.

I also remember telling her that I wish I could literally open up my chest and show her
my heart and my soul so that she could actually see what she meant to me, that she was . . .
my life,
my breath,
my reason to live,
my morning,
my . . . everything. . . .

I am so very thankful I had that conversation with her that day because I think that was when we became closer than ever.

That was when I became .... her friend.

I think there is always a point in a mother daughter relationship when they become friends, and that was ours.


..... sigh, i really, really miss her.


just thinking (and crying),
Nicki

Alicia's roses

All of the pink roses in my blog are Alicia's roses. Some from her birthdays, some from her graduation, and some from anniversary dates of her death.

........................... I really miss her.

I hope you have enjoyed my photos.

I enjoy taking pictures of people and various objects from different perspectives. Most of the plants in my blog are simple weeds from on an empty lot across from my office during one of my lunch break walks. These three photos were taken one day during lunch while I stopped to smell the roses.

Brick path


Chains at work


Weed on vacant lot

more of my work

frost on leaves


Art by GOD,


morning frost


single yellow flower on Allmon Farm in KY

one of my favorites

more of my work 2

purple flowers in vacant lot


Dew on leaves in vacant lot


weeds blowing on vacant lot

some more of my photography

Leaf from parking lot


Wild flowers from parking lot


Allmon Farm in KY


Alicia's Roses

Alyson

Jo and Qwenton, this photo is for you.

Hope it looks ok.

Broken dreams left scattered in my soul . . .

A hole dark and deep,
filled with strength of the weak.
What lies in the shadows of a broken dream?...
What could have been, what was, . . . no more, so it seems.

A void vast and without sun,
full of hopes and dreams undone.
What lies in the shadows of a broken dream?...
What could have been, what was, . . . no more, so it seems.

Darkness embraced
flooded with memories of a face.
What lies in the shadows of a broken dream?...
What could have been, what was, . . . no more, so it seems.

Pain crippling body and mind
gorged selfishly on what was left behind.
What lies in the shadows of a broken dream?...
What could have been, what was, . . . no more, so it seems.

Sorrow overflowing
spilled upon the earth.
What lies in the shadows of a broken dream?...
What could have been, what was, . . . no more, so it seems.

__________________________________

Random thoses.

A hole full of darkness, emptiness full of sadness, a void full of those things you can't quite wrap your arms around yet we are told that you are supposed to embrace the contents of this hole. You are supposed to appreciate this hole and all its parts for what it is. It is believed (so I've come to know) that you can not move forward without looking upon the things that fill the depth of its bowels.
Things a person never dreams of facing.
Things some never come to face in their life time yet others this very thing encompasses others.

just thinking,
Nicki

pics

I put several photos on here after many requests. I hope you all like them.

just thinking,
Nicki

Blake's Senior pictures

Blake's Senior pictures

My Angel

Kyra

Kyra

Judy and Holly

Holly and her Mom, Judy


Holly at the Old Mill


Holly and Judy


Holly at Lakewood Village

I had so much fun taking Holly's senior pictures.





just thinking,

Nicki

Here are some more photos I took at Christmas of Laci.



just thinking,

Nicki

I've been thinking about doing photography for a long time. I mean as a business, getting paid for it. It is just strange to me, getting paid for something I love so much. Anyway, here are a few of the things I've done...




just thinking,

Nicki

Some of my work

This is some of my work. I've been thinking about photography as a

business but I'm not certain I am good enough.

I mean I don't want to let anyone down.





















Pictures I took of Remington at the Old Mill.































Remington looking down at the water.






















Blake looking into his sister's eyes.
Where are you Alicia?

Blake...

Queen Anne's Lace